-Introduction-

Hi!! my name is Sebastian and my friend Anthony. We are 13 and you can contact us on our blogs. Their are links on our names.


-What Makes A Good Story-

  • A good story has detail and good wording.
  • They also have good descriptions of places, things and people.
  • It has exaggeration and has exciting, heroic signs.
  • They all fall into an interesting climax.
  • It was once based on a true story but changed so it would be more amusing.
  • Characters that relate to the people that read it or hear it.
  • They must have a good moral.
  • Unlikely places that things happen.
  • Start, middle and end.



-Malaysian Book Of Records-

Largest Fast Food

Kentucky Fried Chicken Holdings(Malaysia) Bhd (KFCH) is the largest food chain in Malaysia and South-East Asia an well. The first KFC outlet opened at Jalan Tunku Abdul Rahman, Kuala Lumpur, on January 1, 1973. the total number of outlets stands at 272 as of March 2000


-Our Brainstorm-


anthonysebasbrainstorm.jpg

KFC

external image dave_kfc.gif

http://www.londonstimes.us/toons/cartoons/dave_kfc.gif

-The Crazy Sicko Manager And His Employees-

Once upon a time there lived a man who was crazy and mad for his chicken. He loved chicken so much he made a restaurant, named Kentucky Fried Chicken also known as KFC. Santhony, the KFC manager has been in the Chicken Embassy working there for chicken rights. The Vegetarians have attacked the embassy three times and the embassy is getting mad. Santhony had wanted to put mechanical chip into the meat but has not had the chance because the chicken embassy will not allow it. He knows that Malaysia, his home land with only Carnivores will be able to take over the world if the Vegetarians perish. So that the war between the Vegetarians and the Carnivores. So the chicken Malay war begins,with Santhony as its Capitan having two schemes to take over the Malay race........

-The KFC Manager Will Take Over The World By Using Mechanical Chips-

The KFC manager Santhony will use mechanical chips to take over the world click above.


-The Manager Rockets His KFC Star Ship-

So that Santhony would rule over the world, but discovered that he had son click above.

Peer editor (Charlotte)
1. On the level of story-telling: if you were the King (or the aliens), would you allow this story-teller to live another day? If no,why not?
No, because although the story has creativity in it, the story is choppy and does not flow well. I don't even get what the story is about!
-mike- i would give you another chance to live another day because the story (although it needs work) is good. the idea is very unique so yes. keep working guys cant wait till you get it all organized. :P

2. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?)
With having a KFC star ship and chicken embassy, of course! This story is definitely a creative one.
-mike- it is totally interesting and very creative.

3. Think about conflict. Does the story have a natural conflict? Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed?
I think that you should organize your events more, so that the readers and I could understand your plot more. You have a creative resolution too! If you fix the beginning, middle, and end sequence, then your story will make more sense.
- mike- i think it could use more detail and tension because it is kind of sketchy.

4. Think of characterization—are the characters realistic? Individual? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions?
The characters are realistic, but you should make it have more personality and uniqueness to it.
-mike- yes they are realistic i agree with the other editor above that it needs more personality.

5. Think of word choice, imagery, and details. Do they help you see and hear and experience the story? Do any word choices need changing?
Since this is your first draft, I see that your word choice is kind of a generalization of the whole story. Try to add more detail to your story, so that the events wont come too fast.
mike- i agree agian. but it is your first draft. so keep it up!;)

6. On the level of "culture"--what do you think this writer is trying to reveal about the culture he/she lives in? Summarize what this story tells/shows about its culture in a sentence or two.
I dont really know what this story is telling/showing about it's culture because for the most part, the setting of this story is in outer space (KFC star ship). So probably, you could try to involve more Malaysians into this story, so that the readers will see about Malaysia's culture.
-mike- indeed, i agree.i got nothing to add.

7. Does this revelation of culture possess much insight or show you something unique? Do you get a picture of cultural practices? Of gender roles, love relationships, family roles, habits, religious practices, beliefs, food, social expectations, etc.? Should anything be thrown out? Added?
This story is definitely unique, but it needs more details explaining what is happening between each event. Since this story's setting is in outer space, with no Malaysians involved, I dont really get the picture of cultural practices in Malaysia. Maybe, you could add in your story that possibly the KFC star ship crashed into a Malaysian landmark, so that the reader will at least know some famous places in Malaysia. Just try to create more settings WITHIN Malaysia.

8. What areas of the story need the most improvement?
What needs to have the most improvement are to make the story flow, try not to tell the events too fast (more detail), and put more personality to the main character (Santhony right?).
-mike- it needs more detail and agian you need to add more about the malaysian culture.

9. Summarize the theme of the story in a sentence or two. Don't just summarize the story, or say what its topic is--that's not theme. "Theme" is what the story reveals about the topic. So put your theme statement in this sort of pattern: "This story reveals that (topic) is (message about the topic)." Do your best here. You'll show the writer what his/her story DOES say, as opposed to what the writer WANTS it to say.
This story reveals that "KFC being the largest food chain in Malaysia" tells that even the craziest problems have solutions, and that in the future, ANYTHING is possible.

10. Be specific, try not to merely write, " this was good", instead explain what was good about it and why.
The good things about the story is that it's extremely unique. Having a KFC star ship, chicken embassy, and naming the character Santhony (by the writer, Sebastian and Anthony)! It's different from other stories, which is great, and I see that you put alot of effort into the creativity part of this story. And also, another good thing about this story is that the writer's pitting two completely opposite things such as vegetarians vs. carnivores! Great job overall Sebastian and Anthony!
-mike- i really like the idea of the chicken embassy and the KFC starship the creativity is amazing and i really liked it. GOOD JOB GUYS!!!!!! :P